The Dark Prince

It seems that there are many of you, my flock of sheepish readers, who are interested to hear more on the subject of Ego Removal, and you wish to hear of my past cases, successful or otherwise. Well, I guess I have no choice then, do I?

Case 1: The closeted ego
As well you should know, much of the excess of ego in this world comes from those who think they are better than everyone else. One such case was The Closeted ego, who was extremely immature, stupid and up himself. He lorded over everyone, simply because he was a medical student, which clearly made him some sort of god. Anyway, this wonderfully arrogant little wretch was also clearly in denial about certain attributes which he had. Thus, we have the two main requirements for an ego removal, namely: an excess of ego and a clear weak point.

I had completely intended to let nature run it’s course with this mini-demi-god, however one day during a reasonably relaxed game of foosball, he had the nerve to imply that I had never kissed a girl. Well, my readers, what was a hot-blooded male like myself to do? Why, Isaid the first thing that sprung to mind, namely:

At least I don’t have a steel rod stuck up my arse, why don’t you just come out of the closet already?

Surprisingly, he never talked to me after that, he also watched his mouth a bit more and within six months was outed as screaming queen. A good result for all, and another job well done.

Case 2: The instant expert

Many of the people I know will at some point ask to learn something from me. Whether it be Billiards related, Computing related or gaming related, most realise that I do not boast without reason and only claim ability that I actually have. However, some are stupid enough not to realise when I am rather good at something and misread my ability. This then leads to the delusion that once they have trained for a short period they are better than me.

We shall refer to the unfortunate victim of delusion as Mr. Bounce. Well, after training Mr. Bounce in the art of Tekken 3 on his recently purchased playstation, we hit the time of holidays. Two weeks alone is never fun, but Mr Bounce managed to brave the elements of whatever by continually playing Tekken and truly believing that in this period he would somehow learn what took me two years.

Upon arriving back in the land of university, he and his smug expression challenged me to a match, I happily accepted and for a moment thought he might have actually learnt something. He didn’t. How surprising. Needless to say, I used every single character I knew, and some that I don’t and brutalised his meagre playing ability. Once more his Ego was returned to it’s correct size (in his case, infinitessimal), and another notch was carved into my belt.

These are merely two cases in an ocean of foolishness and stupidity. However, we must remember that no matter how bloated an ego, some cannot be repaired simply because they are not based upon abilities or knowledge in the real world. Thus, a different technique must be used to combat this cancerous growth of obstinacy. Such an example is that of The Eggplant, which I think is a story for another time.