The Dark Prince

Someday, I’ll think of a way of starting these rather flitting entries that doesn’t involve me making a joke about greeting my obviously non-existant audience and alluding to my general brilliance, perhaps I could talk about how I do that in most other entries, or even talk about talking about most other entries. For the moment though, I’ll go with what works. Hello nobody. I rock. You don’t.

Now that’s done, lets get on with what’s been happening. Rather a lot has been happening, so it may take a while. Perhaps you should skip to one of the older updates, although they’re probably not that much better. There are some good links on the side there though, failing that, you could check your mail, or even turn the computer off (if you’re not on one of those communal/libary/lab computers that have all sorts of signs saying not to turn them off that is), and do…err…whatever it is people do when they aren’t using computers. I’m not really that sure. I wonder if it involves yoyos?

Right, news. Well, recently I had to visit my university to sort out how I’m accepting honours and all and I met a PhD student. Now, as people who know me (certainly the only ones likely to be reading at this point) may know, I’m reasonably comfortable with my abilities in computing. I have only really recently returned to programming and such in a modern sense and so I’ve been having to learn rather a lot of stuff, but all in all, I’ve yet to come across something that is really worryingly difficult.

Of course, when you meet a PhD student who’s actually done professional projects and hasn’t taken time off to do a double degree in subjects that they never really liked in the first place and now hate with abundance, you feel a bit uncomfortable. Inadequate even. But I knew more about DVD ripping and video compression. And the Commodore 64. So there, no insecurities here. Really. None.

And this is one of those shitful events that for some bizarre reason has a magnificently positive effect, because, ever since then, I’ve been programming almost daily on my character editor/mapper/other stuff for the C64 in Java. You remember that don’t you readers? It was the one that sort of got a bit stuck for a while and had promise but never really got anywhere. Well it works now, it’s almost complete and the moment it can be either an applet or application and can load and save, I will call it release..err…0.00something (just in case someone mistakenly thinks that this is all I can do). Anyway, here it is in it’s minimal but functional stages. More on this later.

I’ve also been reading through the backlog of entries on Eloqui’s always pretty site and I really would like to make this place look a little better, a logo of some sort is on the way, and I’ve taken the big step of changing the tagline to something else, I might even fix up the categories.

In what way have you copied an ending sentence from The Triforce today imagined readers?

Good evening no-one in particular. It has been several weeks since my last update, and this is due to several reasons, the main one being that I don’t really have that much of interest to say. But now that I have something to say I will damned well say it, so just try and stop me. Please.

Right, for a while now, officially about 5 weeks I have been a fulling functioning and contributing member of society. I have pulled my weight and earnt my right to bitch about students and so on. I have been officially employed, doing perhaps the most useless job in the history of paid occupation. I re-order stuff on the shelves of a supermarket to make it look neat.

Now, I know the first thing I’d do upon reading that would be to go to my supermarket and mess everything up as soon as possible. I’m having a hard time not doing it right now, although I’m helped by the fact that nothing is open at this time of night. So I’m not surprised that you’ve already noted down in your cunning but sadly tiny mind that you should do this at some point. The sad fact is that even if you flukely manage to guess the correct supermarket and the right section, (since there’s about 11 people doing this job) it won’t matter. It takes only a few seconds to clear things up and even less time for the next imbecile to unwittingly mess everything up.

My job is so utterly pointless that it takes me five hours to return all the things that have been left everywhere to their rightful spot and neaten up all the shelves so items are in the right place and neatly arranged, and about five minutes for the new batch of shoppers to destroy it all the next day. I’m still not entirely sure why this job is even around, but that’s not the most startling thing.

The most startling thing is that most of the managers (and even a few of the workers) seem happy with where they are. I’m sure as a kid when they were asked what they wanted to do with their life they didn’t respond, “I’d like to manage a small section of a supermarket for the rest of my life”. How can they live with such a low expectations? I imagine their life goes a bit like this: Wake up, cry for a bit, go to work, go to a pub, get very very drunk, cry for a bit more, go to sleep and fantasise about not being so fucking boring. I don’t understand how someone can live this way.

Still, I have learnt a few ways to annoy people who work in stores, so here they are for you to abuse at leisure:

• If there is a huge stand of watches, take one and set an alarm for any time you feel people would enjoy it, and then replace it deep within the pile.
• Be sure to place as many items in a precarious position as possible so they fall down on the next person unfortunate enough to stand there, (particularly enjoyable around rowdy children in a china department).
• When taking things off the shelf and returning them, if a worker asks you to just leave them because they’ll put them back, be sure to tell them that you know best and stick said item in the most obscure place possible.
• If you are old, find a drone who is obviously busy and/or stressed and don’t let them go. Ask them every single price and expiry date of every single chocolate on display. Multiple times. They will love you for it.
• Crowd around the most central aisle possible with a large group of friends, making sure that no-one, shopper or staff, can get past you. Pretend not to understand requests when people ask you to move or look at them like they’re some sort of wierdo. What right do they have to ask you to interrupt your conversation so they can get past?

There really isn’t any good way to end this, so stop reading now.

I’m so terribly sorry for not updating. Really I am. I’m sure there is at least someone out there who is mortally wounded by me not writing a new totally pointless post about something that has no point.

Right then. So what’s been happenng then? Well, I’ve gotten a sort of job thingy writing for somewhere else, so the scope writing here is going to be limited somewhat. This is probably a good thing because well, it might give this place a bit of an actual context rather than a random collection of passable and not-so-passable writing. I’d say most of it will now be about programming and such.

Aside from that I’m actually getting some programming done, some of which I may be able to actually talk about. I’m sure that will thrill everyone.

Coming soon! More logo adventure!

Somewhat of a gloat this post. Since being a bit annoyed at not being very organised I actually have managed to get somewhat organised. With the help of the rather pretty version control system called SubVersioN and an extremely well made client called TortoiseSVN I have done a fair bit on that 8-bit remake as I promised. I’ve read up on heaps and heaps of material related to the many facets of programming, which has been interesting but rather like the Red Queens Race. As well as this, I also got two reviews done for the lovely Old School Gaming site, which is really looking very nice now, so really things are going well. Someday I may even get around to making this site look less bland and having some useful content on it.

After accidentally purchasing the hideous special edition of Chronicles of Riddick, I saw the original, unmutilated version for far too high a price at Target yesterday. But, for whatever strange reason, I just haven’t seen it cheaper anywhere than about $34. Anyway, being the type to waste money on things impulsively, I bought it.

The good news is the movie is just as good as it was when I saw it in the cinema, I am now much happier, since the special edition really really spoiled the movie for me. The strange thing is that the menus are all identical to that of the special edition. It’s like they’ve just poorly cut in the extra scenes (and boy have they ever cut it in poorly…), probably not even changed the chapter menus and added another disk full of content that no-one would ever watch. Still, I’m happier now, because I can watch it the way it should be.

Again, I encourage people to have a look at this film, since it really has some spark in it. I don’t know why, but it reminds me an awful lot of Dune, except that it didn’t put me to sleep, (although it did have anaesthetic effects on other people who shall remain nameless).

Oh, and for some stupid reason Game Boy Advances still haven’t come down in price, so despite the fact that the PSP is out, (for a pretty hefty price, but worth it in my opinion), the DS costs a mere $50 more than the GBA SP (and has two screens and complete backwards compatibility), it’s still ridiculously overpriced at $150. Stupid world.

Well, for those wondering, the previous entry was inspired by Something Awful being stupid, and aside from suddenly changing their tune and then arguing that they haven’t, they used Paypal and wondered why they got screwed over. Idiots. They have acted so ridiculously that even UK Resistance has taken a fairly nasty shot at them, looks like they pissed off a few people with this rather dramatic backflip.

Anyway, after reading over the backlogs of a programmer type’s Web log, I have decided the only way any of my projects are actually going to get moving is to write about them on here. So without going into details (both to cover myself in the likely and embarrassing event of not actually doing anything and to protect privacy of these things at their early stage) I have started on:

• A shootem’up for the Acorn (probably trying to squeeze what I can out of a 2Mg A5000, but I may have to increase the minimum memory to 4 or 8 meg, depending on how intensive it gets
• A simple, but extremely fun sounding database which if done nicely could be a lot of fun for a lot of people.
• A remake of a cool little 8-bit game (which is going very well, but for some reason I am stuck on).
• A small Java project which can go in many directions but will probably start out as a character editor for the c64.
• A very complicated algorithmn in ANSI C designed to solve any starting position of a standard solitaire board (you know, the one with the pegs in a sort of cross thing). This has been mostly written but some of the more complicated search algorithms remain in my mind. I would really like to get this done as an example of optimal code.
• A lot of reading on vastly different topics relating to both my honours study next year and my own programming abilities

So, having said that, my newest plan of attack (this also comes from a friend) is to deote some time to just one of these projects. For now i will be the 8-bit remake, because in my opinion it deserves the most attention. Hopefully within the next few days I can get some work done and then congratulate myself online. After all this wouldn’t be a real blog without heaping self praise on myself and complaining about how stupid some friend/member of the opposite sex is.

This is terrible! In the land of the free, people are being hurt. This deserves FAR more media attention then say, hundreds of times more people being killed in earthquakes, tsunamis and famine and similar amounts of people being killed in a militant zone caused by an unprovoked ‘war’.

I’m sick of this, I fully admit it. If you are directly affected by this flood, then sorry, but shit happens, get over it. If not, and you’re one of those loud mouthed wanky Americans saying “why is this happening to us?”, you have earned my personal hatred. Things like this happen in the world all the time. Everywhere. The worst thing about this “tragedy” (fairly minor by tragedy scales really, but then when you adjust death figures by correct racial importance, it’s over 100 times more sad than that minor little wave of water that hit all of Indonesia and a significant bit of Thailand and that teensy little earthquake in india that only killed around 12 million people), is that when this is over, the lesson will not be learnt an none of these American Heroes will appreciate when they do horrible things or horrible things happen to another country.

Oh, and of course the amount of money going to charities will be at least 10 times greater than that of the most recent comparable event, namely the Tsunami in south east asia. Because, you know…America really needs all that aid, they have no money to help themselves now do they.

I hate to say it, but it seems that even the most resilient and sensible yanks, even those who generally seem to have their head screwed on the right way round get over sentimental and obsessed with their own country when things like this happen. So if you read this, and you are a stupid yank who has done what I’ve written, think about it. Think about how fucking selfish you are about your own country and how inconsiderate you are towards the fate of others. But both you and I know, all you’ll do is take personal offence to me and probably write something somewhere about what a fuck I must be. Because you know, you’re American, so you’re always fucking right.

It has been some time. Some time since I’ve written anything on here, and for those two or three people that actually read this less than interesting ramble, I apologise for not wasting more of your time. For the last month or so I have been overburdened with university assignments.

Unfortunately these assignments were group assignments, which roughly translated means: I had to do them entirely by myself. To be honest, one of my groups (of seven, seven) people is very good, they are competant, sensible and plucky enough to say what they think, yet reasonable enough to actually listen to others. Well, except for one of these who thinks he’s better than everyone else, despite his huge lack of understanding anything at all. I digress, my remaining teams of 3 (myself included) are, to be honest, completely hopeless and should never have been enrolled in the course.

This of course brings me to the point of todays meandering drivel, better. Even when you are young, you know when you are better or worse than someone at something. It’s undeniable, you can see it, they can see it and it’s silently acknowledged. So why is it so damn rude/arrogant/nasty for me to just point out the obvious. I am better than these people, they have no idea, so it’s not really giving me any credit, it’s like saying that a piece of land is higher above sea level than the earths core, the comparison means little and no-one would deny it.

Yet somehow, for me to get up, stand on a table if I must, and declare that I am at least as good if not better than most people in my course you immediately think, “snob”. Don’t tell me you didn’t. I know you did, I can see the words forming, there’s the ’s’ now. The fact remains that the reason software engineering “..is in crisis!!!”, (look at any textbook on software design to obtain a similar quote), is not because of poor planning, lack of diagrams with strange shapes on them or lack of a proper SRS. It’s because, (and I speak only for my university, which admittedly is a nest of pretension), almost the entire collection of undergraduate computing students SUCK!

Maybe it’s because I had to do three persons’ work of a two month project over a week…twice.. Maybe it’s because when I read the newsgroups to try and discover any new information on assignments there are pages of idiocy written by the same moron trying to impress people. Maybe it’s just the fact that there is a stupid guy who has a perpetual smarmy grin on his face that makes me want to hit him over and over again, (hearing him talk makes matters even worse), but I just can’t get over the amazing lack of any redeeming feature, academic or otherwise of pretty much everyone in my course.

On another note, I have to thank a few of my friends, all of whom know who they are and if they don’t then they’re stupid anyway. I have had a really rough time getting through these projects and I couldn’t do it without you. Anyone who I asked for advice or support should know that I don’t think the same of them, it’s just very depressing to know that these people will be unleashed onto some hapless software that people will buy and expect to work.

Seeing that this is one of those things that starts with b (yes, that word) I figured I should at least include something about my current situation, if only for the record. Don’t worry, immediately after this, there will be a new entry, so skip to that if you must.

As of this point in time, my network is functional. It has 4 working machines, with two more ready to be networked as soon as I can fix up some minor problems. I am ahead of all work, although I’ve been a bit ill, so my attendance hasn’t been all that great, but I understand everything and intend to fix all revision this weekend.

Aside from that, my snooker badly needs attention as I’m sure my form has been corrupted with all this non-practise, so soon I shall begin my regular regime of 3 hourlong sessions of snooker a week.

Exciting stuff? Not really, but this is a … blog … after all. Anyway, on with the articles.

It has been some time since I’ve written some stuff here on this once regularly updated miracle of the modern building we call the internet. Well, if it was a building it would be filled with porn theatres and real estate agents, and don’t get me started on those bloody gnomes again.

I have been rather busy. Very busy in fact. Incredibly busy. I have actually almost finished that pile of work that I mentioned earlier, but not quite. At this point I have reduced this monstrous glob of paper wasting monotony to a mere 3 pracs, two questionnaires, one assignment and the usual yearlong stuff. It’s a monumentous achievement. Of course it meant that I had several 48 hour days and didn’t hand in yet another assignment that I was supposed to do, but in great battles sacrifices must be made.

My computer is still not entirely functional. I have to carry the thing into a small shop owned by a quiet little man who speaks English really badly but seemed more genuine than most shops. I am avoiding this task because of both lack of time and motivation, even though it would mean that I would have a fully functional computer. Still, more on this will be given as it developes.

What else has been happening, I hear you ask in an enthusiastic voice. Well dear reader, (and there is probably at most two people reading this, so perhaps I should say dear readers). Nothing. I have moped, lazed, slept, eaten (although not very much), and generally existed without soul or feeling, thought or enjoyment. The usual.

I did enter in the games competition at one of my more favourite sites though, but there are players far better than me and since I only started midway in this comp, my chances are less than small.

Anyway, since I have been hounded by requests to put a chatbox on this rather unused speck of personal dust in a storm of spinning crap, I have provided. I think it’s safe to assume that it will acquire a grand and total use of perhaps three comments, but it is there now.

Thus ends the lesson for today

Congregation: Thanks be to BOB.