The Rules
Good evening my hopeful bunch of readers. I know that many of you have been expecting some form of update and well, you have been neglected. Again. Some of you have even complained that my last entry was a bit poor, which only suggests that you didn’t imagine a piece good enough, so the fault is clearly yours.
Anyway, the subject of today is a quaint little book called the rules, which are always mentioned with capital letters and italics, so really it is about “The Rules”. This book is a goldmine of propoganda and excessive bias. Here is a small extract (which may have been slightly embellished):
Case 1:
Roberta was over 400 pounds, smelt strongly of garlic and tuna and looked as though she’d been run over by a bus at least four times a day. However Roberta followed “The Rules” and within 2 hours she had acquired a billionaire husband who thought she was a goddess and attented to her every need.
I don’t know about you but that certainly coerced me into following “The Rules”, clearly this is a perfectly normal case, and should happen with everyone. However, just to make sure that you are indeed a convert to the fundamental cult of “The Rules”, there are more examples:
Case 2:
Gertrude was a very attractive woman. She was at least 9 foot and had a perfect body, but she didn’t follow “The Rules”, and so every date she went on, even with the most attractive males ended up with her being sodomised and filmed for an internet porn site. After several hundred dates of this kind and thus several hundred new internet domains, she was forced to commit suicide by drowning herself in the toilet, after using it. If only she had followed “The Rules”, she would be spared this horrible fate.
And it goes on. And on. Pages and pages follow about how wonderful “The Rules” are, and how they will work for anyone, no matter the situation, or target. I guess the writers of this positive Mecca of inspiration are also responsible for the several million chain letters that go around threatening similar fates if you don’t pass them on to several thousand people.
So, go out and buy “The Rules” today and look forward to a life of perfect dates and the husband of your dreams. If you’re male you’ll just have to get used to the idea of gay marriage - sorry, but “The Rules” are only for women.
Don’t worry though you red blooded males for soon we shall have our own rules, carefully made to ensure only the best experience possible, just as long as you follow them to the very last letter.