That’s right folks, it’s a movie review. I saw this a while ago, and I have been waiting for the chance to write about how utterly awful it is and basically just have a rant, and why the hell not? After all, this is my pathetic and pointless area to spout in, I may as well make the most of it.
To start with, I rather like the Harry Potter books, they are well written, witty and generally very engrossing, the later of the series being an excellent example of how fantasy writing should be done (rather than an entire chapter describing the grass on which the hero stands). I was also rather pleased with the way in which the first two movies were modelled on the books, a good balance between the necessity of alteration for a different media and holding true to the original story. Do I need to write the big “however” now?
However, (guess I do), this movie is awful, in every single way. The strong cast of actors from the previous series are brushed aside rather brusquely to make way for the poorest choice of actors yet in the series to fumble over a script which is vaguely related to the original book.
Right, actors. Unfortunately, the whole series is plagued by particularly bad actors in the lead roles. Daniel Radcliff, who was terrible in the first movie, and mildly better in the second one, manages to convey all the rage of a dead tomato, unfortunately, this is not really what the role calls for and so he appears more comical than frustrated. Ron (whose real name I cannot remember), gives his usual less-than-comical faces and unsubtle lines and generally makes a mess of it as usual. But, they are only kids, and the real criminal here is responsible for the script and direction, so lets have a good look at them.
Right, script, or storyline, or removal thereof. See, the book is filled with many many interweaving little events, small things that keep the interest going throughout the book, things that make it come alive and really pull you in to the entire fictional universe. Of course, if you are a new director with a wodge of cash to throw at a movie that will get an audience regardless of quality, who needs these little things. Precisely the thoughts of El’Poncho D’Brainless, so naturally, every single subplot, is chopped out, removed or just generally rearranged in a way to spoil any surprise and make the whole affair utterly boring. Result? Two hours of non-stop boredom and waiting for something intersting to happen.
I could go on and on about this. Hang on, I have gone on and on about this. And I intend to go on much more, so keep reading and be damn grateful for the opportunity. The fact is that there is a lot wrong with this movie. The children all wear teenage clothing which is a bit strange considering the book explicitly states this as muggle clothes and that all in the magic realm wear different. There are so many cutscenes of irrelevant scenery and the whole film feels like a b-grade teen movie (starring an anorexic and soon to be anorexic couple of lesbians), crossed with an 80s sitcom (ie, not funny).
So, hopefully that should have stopped you from going and seeing it.